Partners sharing a Business - What Happens in Case of Divorce?

http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2014/04/09/double-trouble-when-spouses-who-share-a-business-split/

Most couples in California may be apprehensive about discussing a prenuptial agreement. It is naturally difficult to consider or discuss a potential divorce while in love and excited about an upcoming wedding, starting a family and all the positive bits about a marriage. Unfortunately, the reality is that many couples get divorced annually, and it is important to prepare for such an eventuality.

This is even more important if the two parties in the upcoming marriage are also business partners. When such a marriage develops problems, the emotions associated with marital problems may negatively affect the business. Contentious divorce cases, especially those that attract public attention, may blemish the company's brand and negatively affect customer relations. The situation may even jeopardize the future success of the business.

The potential danger of losing the business may be prevented by negotiating and executing a prenuptial agreement that will protect both parties and the business in the event of a divorce. To avoid disputes at the time of the divorce, the agreement should specify the role each party will play in the business, and clearly define the decision-making powers of each spouse. It may be wise to obtain the services of an appraiser who is knowledgeable in the valuation of businesses.


Source: CNN Money, "Double trouble: When spouses who share a business partners split up", Brandon Southward, April 9, 2014
California Attorney full article:
http://www.sacramentoattorneys.net/blog/2014/04/prenuptial-agreement-essential-when-business-partners-divorce.shtml?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter 

Tags: Prenuptial agreement, divorce

Related Posts: Is a lifestyle clause an option in a California prenup?

The Day I Prayed for Courage and Understanding

(From my journal written in 2009)
 I’m the leader that people look up to.  I seem to have it all together. I have moved forward in strides. Yet my past pulls me behind.

Punishment for his abuse just gets let go. There’s no retribution for what this man did to me.  I have erased many of the physical and mental things he made a part of my life – scars in my life.  The scars keep resurfacing and I don’t even want to write about them, but something compels me to do so. Perhaps it is because he does not want to end this chapter, he keeps harassing us.  It feels like I have no one to talk to. I don’t even want to sound like a whiny, complaining baby or victim.  I’m not. It’s partially my fault for staying and choosing this stupid man to marry. What was I thinking? It’s so idiotic.

I rationalize why I did it. Why I stayed? How could I? I cared about changing the lives of everyone around me – at my former company. They all relied on me. Yet none of them are there for me today. That’s how brilliant I was.  I risked my life so others could have more than I did.

My son must have been about 1.5 years old when the worst incident happened.  We were in Kauai at our vacation condo.  It was time to pack and leave for Maui, where we were going to meet mutual friends as part of our extended vacation.  Because I did what seemed like all the work in caring for my son, packing for him, caring for his needs, I said to my ex, “I need help with Turner. I need you to change him.” I was exhausted from the other hundreds of things on a daily basis and especially I did solely for this trip.  His reply was “No. I’m fucking not going to, Lisa.  I don’t want to do that. You know, I don’t like that stuff.” Truth is he didn’t know how to change his diaper – still!  He didn’t know what clothes to put on – still!  It was ridiculous.

“You are going to change him, I need your help!” I cried.

“I’m not going to, Lisa. You can’t make me.”

“Then we won’t make our plane trip on time to go meet the “Smith” family in Mauai, we have a flight to catch.” I needed his help.

I looked at him firmly in the eyes, “You need to help me!”

“Oh, now you’re making me do it. You are not going to tell me what to do, Lisa Solomon!”

“You are going to change your son.  It is about time you help me more,” was my firm reply.

Next thing I recall.  “Derf” pushes me around and throws me to the ground, “Oh, yeah, you think you’re going to be tough –“ He begins hitting at me, full throttle. He pushes me and corners me to the living room flowered sofa, where I crawl into myself to protect his blows to my body and head.  I’m yelling, “No.” He continues to bash my head over and over with his bare hands.   My head is cut open and bleeding.

I remember lots of crying.  I’m crying and beside myself. No words can describe the mass processing of this whole picture.  “No,” is all I can say. “Stop!” There is no fighting back – his strength simply overpowered me and I know better than to fight bag.  I can’t.    I just hold my head, hold myself yelling, stop, please stop. In disbelief that this would happen on a vacation day and family day.  I know that if I remain quiet he will eventually stop rather than exacerbate or escalate him.

He finally stops.  I’m in a horrific cry. There is blood around my head; I wipe it off with my right hand.  I feel numb.  Shocked.  “This isn’t my life!” I say to myself.  Numb and upset that he just beat me.

I couldn’t hit him back, nor would I stoop to that level.

We are supposed to get on a plane in about 75 minutes to Mauai.  We are supposed to have this great life, for all the hard work and sacrifices we make. We are on vacation. I don’t know what to do. I clean up as best as I could and go pick up my baby and act like everything is okay.  Because my baby is the most important thing.  First response is to try and forget.   Second response is to call 911.  But if I do I visualize our whole trip being ruined and Derf being mad at me for calling 911 and him doing more harm to me than good.  I visualize “just make this go away, Lisa” and move on like it never happened.  But it did.  I hope that Derf apologizes, even though that doesn’t make it go away.  I visualize my whole company going under because Derf and I can’t work together and so many people depend on us both to make their income and the lives they have.  I visualize that perhaps Derf will be sorry and this won’t ever happen again.  Even though it has and even though it will happen again and again as I will show and have told people in the years to come.

[I look back now and hope that no other woman ever has to go through this.  And IF THEY DO, I pray she has the courage and does call for help.  Call 911.  Because by doing so you are making this about help for you, not help for him.  I should have not cared about Derf and his own repercussions and karma he created for himself time and time again.  But at the time, I did.  Recall that I loved him.  I didn’t want him to ever hurt me time and time again.  I believed that he would see the pain he caused me and not ever be that bad man again.  But a leopard never changes his spots.]

Thank God my child won’t remember the awful and horrific energy that was taken from me on this day, but it is still a human experience I will never forget.

Derf quickly apologized, crying, saying he’s sorry. Typical circle we went through.

My head is pounding; I don’t know what to do for Lisa.

I know what to do for my sons and for others.

I ignore the whole thing. Going to the bedroom, I change Turner and continue packing to get on the plane. It was my obligation to meet our friends. This should not have happened.

“Let’s just go.” I don’t talk to Derf and he follows along, crying and sorry, now.   He apologized and cried for hours about it.

“We’ll deal with this later,” I say.

We get to the airport, arrive in Maui on time.

I’m white as a ghost. I am able to collect myself enough to sit in the bathtub at the Maui hotel.
Our baby was napping.

I called my friend, “George”, to tell him what happened.  He couldn’t believe it.  He’s the only person I had the guts to call.   My sisters had already heard my previous and numerous outcries about Derf hitting me at the office or at home. And more instances that we are all writing about today.

[If this information can help someone from having courage to change your life then my journey has mattered...]
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To this day, “George” says he will never forget how traumatic that was to hear me in that state of mind.

My son, Turner, has told me he recalls certain instances of his dad being mean and so much more too painful to write.

Note: I have changed names for privacy.  However, I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the State of California that the foregoing is true and correct.   

To read more about women who have the courage to change, please write to me!

Also here is one woman, Leslie Morgan Steiner, who is advocating against domestic violence.  As she writes, "Instead, we have one simple wish: We want the abuse to end.

We don't want the relationship to end."

Read her CNN story at:  http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/10/opinion/steiner-domestic-violence/index.html?eref=rss_opinion&cid=sf_twitter

Wish I Had a Heart of Stone, But My Heart's Not Make of Stone

When I listened to this song, years after I left my husband for domestic violence in the home and in the workplace, it somehow motivated me to love who I am:  a loving person full of so much potential.

I wish I had a heart of stone to have mustered up the courage to leave him early in the marriage versus the eight plus years of such a rocky relationship.

I used to flood tears on and on uncontrollably when I was “in it.”  It didn’t make sense, why this was happening.  

Dam – wish that I could build a dam:  To hold back the tears that flow on and on.

There was a side of me that wished, at the time, that I could have been as evil and sadistic as he was to me.  Instead it was easier to finally leave and give my family and I the love and peace they/we deserve.

He has alienated all of his friends.  And I guess his family accepts him because they are family, although I would beg to differ on letting someone get away with things just because they are family.

I love who I am.  I love the strength and beauty that is attracted all around me, present day.

He never was there for me.  

He never took the time to understand.  I stayed because I believed and like the song adds, “'Cause my heart's still filled with love for you.”

I loved this man.  I did everything, even bore his child and named him after him and his family.  I did it all for him.  There was not much more I could have done to show all my love. 

People often wonder how someone can stay with an abusive person.  It is because you hate what he does, but you have hope and belief that he will stop.  Hope and Belief: isn't it a wonderful or a tricky thing?

And you hope that he will love you back.   

Violence is not a sign of love.

Friends tell me today, “Fred couldn’t make the bed without you – he couldn’t do anything and everyone knew it.”

And I would have done more, I loved fully and cried awfully for the way he treated me when things went awry for him.  

It was not fair.  It was not just.

But today, as my boyfriend says, “it’s not about the why anymore.”  

I forgive you, Mr. Solomon, for what you have done to me and my family – and for all that you took from my soul in putting everything into us, work and so much it’s unbelievable to the world what you have done.

But it doesn’t mean that I, or society, forgives you.  I can’t ever forget this low chapter of my life.  I am blessed to channel all the fire, passion and strength to be a voice for others.  I never had anyone to turn to.  When I went to domestic violence shelter there was not enough tools for a person like me.  I hope to change that and give the world myself from a place of love and kindness.  All this love and kindness will erase, as much as possible, the “bad dream” I had with you.  

My family and kids love seeing me happy and at peace now.  And I love how I have rekindled and have so many friends that support and love me.  They are all happy that I have moved on with my life.  They support my “voice” and it is through and with them that I will continue on.  It has been nice to rekindle friendships with former employees.  I have had to apologize to them tenfold and they say, “Don’t apologize, Lisa…” 

I am so strong today and so happy that this isn’t about you anymore.  This is about helping thousands or millions of women from understanding and getting out of #DomesticViolence. 

 “There is only one way to end #DomesticViolence — together.”

"Genesis" means "Beginning"

"Genesis" means: "Beginning" and it is the new beginnings that make life beautiful again.

It is easy for people to shy away from the topic of abuse, domestic violence, violence and so on.  Heck, it took me all these years to bring myself to the point to actually write about it.  

People think that if you "stayed" then it is your fault.  That, perhaps, you deserved what you got in the relationship's aftermath.  

YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT

Does the above statement go against what you have now in your life and intimacy?

It took me years to finally go get help and "confess" to a counselor what I was going through. I cannot tell you what a relief it was to get it off my chest and accept that I am a loving person worthy of good things and blessings.  

There is not enough awareness or acceptance, I feel, in the public eye about what it is like to be in an abusive relationship.  

It is not something you intentionally want to go into.  I think women are susceptible to not leaving so easily because of many circumstances.  I am on a mission to continue to find out why.  I know I used to ask the "why" many times over.    

I had to get over the "why" and move on into a new beginning, like the word "Genesis."  Only after new beginnings and growth can you experience the journey and life you are meant to have.

I can tell you that when I decided to "up and leave" my marriage, all the questions had to be placed on the back burner.  I filed them all away.  I had had enough.  I had to figure out how to get "me" back and start over.

This was in 2009, during the recession and economic crash.  The business we jointly owned was suffering.  We had already lost many good key employees through the years (they did not want to be around a volatile office environment and I don't blame them.) I lost some really good friends and associates.  I have managed to rekindle some of those relationships and my friends are happy for my new life - again the "genesis."

There are so many obstacles and mountains of struggle - that I write about in my memoir (ongoing), however, you just have to get through them to move on.

I was telling a friend yesterday, "Remember the movie, Alive?" The story about the plane crash survivors ... fast forward to the part when a few of the survivors decided to risk everything to get help.  Toward the end of the movie, the guys climb a few huge mountains.  They are exhausted, famished and beaten up from the whole experience.  They think that once over the first large mountain, they are going to find refuge.  Yet they climb it and gasp and cry because their hopes are diminished.  They think, "How are we going to get to an end in sight."  There is nothing but mountain after mountain of snow and ice.  One of the guys' perspective jumps and I interpret as, "Look.  There is mountain after mountain -- but we will eventually get to the place we need to be.  We will just keep moving forward."  And they do!  They do find refuge and rescue.  That is how I describe the journey in the beginning for me.  

I used that time to remove all the bad stuff from my former life, deal with what I could and had to, just enough to get by.  I met a new man who helped me.  I would say he was like my sherpa.  He dealt with the agony and pain of what my husband put me and my family through.  And once I would continue the path on climbing the mountains and not looking back, I would find my inner strength come alive.  I would return to beauty and find it in EVERYTHING.  I left with virtually nothing and I was happier and alive than ever.  The magical moments my new guy shared were just that.  I recall looking at him and laughing -- saying, "We don't have much wealth together, yet how beautiful that we get to rebuild together."

 

Children Who Witness

• One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
• An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.
• 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
• Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew.
• Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.
• Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.

CHILDREN WHO WITNESS  

• Witnessing violence between one’s parents or caretakers is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.  (Perhaps this is why my ex became explosive and sadistic himself.  This ran in their family.)
• Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.  (Perhaps this is why my ex became explosive and sadistic himself.  This ran in their family.)
• 30% to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence

To get help, talk to someone or just inquire here are some websites that I found useful:

1. Laura's House: http://www.laurashouse.org/ 
2. Interval House:  http://www.intervalhouse.org/
3. Los Angeles - Rebuild Your Life:  http://www.goodshepherdshelter.org/

The Dr Phil Show End the Silence on Domestic Violence

WHY IT MATTERS

Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior perpetrated by an intimate partner against another. It is an epidemic affecting individuals in every community, regardless of age, economic status, race, religion, nationality or educational background. Violence against women is often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior, and thus is part of a systematic pattern of dominance and control. Domestic violence results in physical injury, psychological trauma, and sometimes death. The consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and truly last a lifetime.

Breaking the Silence

I listened and watched the 16 minute TED talk by Leslie Morgan Steiner on domestic violence and I couldn't stop crying for I could not believe that there is someone out there brave enough to share her story with the world.  I can relate to this woman as a mother and a business woman.  I, too, get to work with many CEO's and great people.  Many do not know my former life.  It is a life of the past, yet I feel compelled to not keep the silence anymore.  Leslie says in her talk, "this is your story," and she urges women (and men) victims of domestic violence to end the silence.  That is the reason I, Lisa Solomon, have the courage and guts to talk about it today.  

I was able to leave the man whose vows were "I will always be good to you and your family."  I was able to get out of the sadistic abuse, words and psychological beating.  I realized that the man I loved so much was never going to stop his pattern.  His "I'm sorry" and crying were not worthy of compassion.  So I get to break the silence now.  I get to tell everyone: police, neighbors, friends and family -- even total strangers.
 

Noise. Lots of noise. Loud. Like my head is going to explode. That's what revisiting what he did to me feels and sounds like.  It takes me to another (old) life.

It is easier to forget than to remember. 

The echoes of the yelling, the cussing, and how I had to go into a coma with my mind to protect my soul takes me to another place.  The recollections my mother who lived with my abusive husband and me still astounds today.  My mother has written recollections of my own memoir.  I'm able to talk matter of factly about it today.  When she talks about how he threw me against a wall and how he yelled at me and called me c***, wh***, b**** with his nasty frown and tone... I think to myself how did I let myself let someone do that to me?  We all tried to brush it under the carpet.  On the occasions that I talk about it with her, I begin to remember and cry.  How could I put anyone else through this?  She is my mother and she hurt, too.  I respond with, "Mom, I tried blacking that out of my head.  I can't believe you remember that he threw me against the wall."  I honestly, didn't even know you were there watching.  I often thought no one was watching.  But they were.  I have letter after letter of support by those who have helped me come forward.  And many of the abusive instances by my husband were at our work place (we owned a business together) ... where our employees watched. 

I remember curling up in a ball in the corner of my bathroom shower to comfort myself as I cried out to God “What am I going to do? When is this going to end? “

And the truth is, there are pretty much only two ways it ends. The first is unthinkable.  The other is when you make the choice to walk away from that which does not work.

And the pain and hurt becomes like cancer if you do not change your life.

 I will share her ending points of the TED Talk, because it hits home for me, too:

We tend to stereotype victims as self-destructive women (perhaps they are) damaged goods.  The question Why did she stay? is code for some people for “it’s her fault for staying.  As if victims intentionally choose to fall in love with men intent upon destroying us.  

She talks about learning valuable life lessons, rebuilding joyous happy lives, completely free of violence.  So if you are in an abusive situation, I hope you know there are more people like you out there. 

Visualize these words circling around your life daily: 

• If I leave my marriage, I will have to leave the home (because he always said he wouldn't leave and in California you can't make the other spouse leave, you are both entitled to live in the home.
• If I call 911, he will hurt me more
• If I leave, he will give me nothing financially (as were often the threats):
• "My family has more money than you, Lisa, and they will help to destroy you." or
• "You know I will always take care of you, but not if you leave me." or
• "You will have to start over, Lisa.  I'm going to fuck with your certainty if you leave."  or
• "You will lose the company without me running it.  I'm a mortgage broker and you need my name to run it." or
• "I will ruin you." or
• "You will be sorry.  I will tell your family about your personal secrets." or
• Simply threaten you with words or actions.

Is there life after this?  Yes, there is.  I won't lie and say it has been easy. Starting over to make it, to leave this man, be forced to leave a company I built and the overwhelming obstacles of the first few years, well that is another story in itself.   

I often say you are a product of the messages around you.    I'm so glad, today, that I had the courage to leave and the messages today are beautiful. We practice that at home and at work.  It is the reason people are drawn, for it is peace in the making.

 When I'm able to live in the present and build and rebuild my future, as I do daily, that is when I'm at ease.  Clarity only comes when I separate my past life with today and tomorrow. 

It turns out, Like Leslie Morgan Steiner says, "I'm a typical domestic violence victim and survivor."  I have met a kind, attentive man.  He may not understand that role I had to undertake, but he is supportive.  I, too, will never - ever have loaded awful and degrading words or abuse thrown at me … by someone who says he loves me. 

There are several people who were abused as children, are abusers themselves or are in it now.  This could be affecting your daughter, sister or children right now.  I advocate for you to break the silence of abuse.  You cannot imagine the relief you will have.

  

*Name changed intentionally.