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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Wish I Had a Heart of Stone, But My Heart's Not Make of Stone


When I listened to this song, years after I left my husband for domestic violence in the home and in the workplace, it somehow motivated me to love who I am:  a loving person full of so much potential.
I wish I had a heart of stone to have mustered up the courage to leave him early in the marriage versus the eight plus years of such a rocky relationship.

I used to flood tears on and on uncontrollably when I was “in it.”  It didn’t make sense, why this was happening.  

Dam – wish that I could build a dam:  To hold back the tears that flow on and on.
There was a side of me that wished, at the time, that I could have been as evil and sadistic as he was to me.  Instead it was easier to finally leave and give my family and I the love and peace they/we deserve.

He has alienated all of his friends.  And I guess his family accepts him because they are family, although I would beg to differ on letting someone get away with things just because they are family.

I love who I am.  I love the strength and beauty that is attracted all around me, present day.
He never was there for me.  

He never took the time to understand.  I stayed because I believed and like the song adds, “'Cause my heart's still filled with love for you.”

I loved this man.  I did everything, even bore his child and named him after him and his family.  I did it all for him.  There was not much more I could have done to show all my love. 

People often wonder how someone can stay with an abusive person.  It is because you hate what he does, but you have hope and belief that he will stop.  Hope and Belief: isn't it a wonderful or a tricky thing?

And you hope that he will love you back.   
Violence is not a sign of love.

Friends tell me today, “Fred couldn’t make the bed without you – he couldn’t do anything and everyone knew it.”

And I would have done more, I loved fully and cried awfully for the way he treated me when things went awry for him.  

It was not fair.  It was not just.

But today, as my boyfriend says, “it’s not about the why anymore.”  

I forgive you, Mr. Solomon, for what you have done to me and my family – and for all that you took from my soul in putting everything into us, work and so much it’s unbelievable to the world what you have done.

But it doesn’t mean that I, or society, forgives you.  I can’t ever forget this low chapter of my life.  I am blessed to channel all the fire, passion and strength to be a voice for others.  I never had anyone to turn to.  When I went to domestic violence shelter there was not enough tools for a person like me.  I hope to change that and give the world myself from a place of love and kindness.  All this love and kindness will erase, as much as possible, the “bad dream” I had with you.  

My family and kids love seeing me happy and at peace now.  And I love how I have rekindled and have so many friends that support and love me.  They are all happy that I have moved on with my life.  They support my “voice” and it is through and with them that I will continue on.  It has been nice to rekindle friendships with former employees.  I have had to apologize to them tenfold and they say, “Don’t apologize, Lisa…” 

I am so strong today and so happy that this isn’t about you anymore.  This is about helping thousands or millions of women from understanding and getting out of #DomesticViolence. 

 “There is only one way to end #DomesticViolence — together.”



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